17/05/2016
Because avocado smash is expensive AF.

Words by

Rebecca Russo

Let’s be real: Sunday brunch can be expensive AF. An avocado smash has somehow usurped a pair of Adidas Yeezys as the most over-hyped and over-priced thing going round. AVOCADO SMASH. That’s just bread and a crafty flick of the wrist with some squishy avocado. Anyone can do that. 

But Sunday brunch is all about the spectacle, isn’t it? Hanging out with your pals while you dissect last night’s shenanigans, or even having a chill second date with your new main squeeze that’s equal parts casual and cool, without seeming too full on. Basically, brunch is the holy grail of meal outings.  

But when you’re not so flush in the cash department, Sunday brunch can seem like an entire week’s worth of pay being flushed down the drain with your half-drunk coffee. So buckle up galfriends, for we’re about to help you out. Because by George, you deserve that absurd looking açai smoothie bowl as much as the rest of them. 

Go vego

Okay carnivores, hear me out. The enticement of meat might be the only reason you’ve gotten up on a Sunday with a god-awful hangover, but you’ve gotta face some facts: meat can be bloody expensive. That smoked salmon crudité? Yeah, that’ll cost you about $22 or more. But a hefty serving of granola muesli? It’s at least $10 cheaper. It might be time to start ordering off the top half of the menu. You know, the part that you usually skip over as soon as you read the word “toast”. Toast is good. Toast is cheap. Toast comes with peanut butter and jam. ’Nuff said. 

Skip the mimosas

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news (again) but those mimosas? Yeah, that’s a sure-fire way to a shocker of a bill. Look, we all know appearing presentable when you’re hangover AF at Sunday brunch is always easier when you’ve got an extra kick of something in your juice, but come on guys. The booze party is over for now. Let’s just stick to coffee. 

Sharing is caring

This one’s a doozie: get something to “share” and hover over it like nobody’s business. The rules of sharing are as follows: you never want to seem like you’re unfairly eating too much, so it’s all about the *way* you’re scoffing down. Try to take huge forkfuls of that caramel French toast (like bigger than what can feasibly fit in your mouth) and try to do it less often. Think about it this way: a few giant forkfuls > a bunch of teeny tiny scoops. You’ll get more out of the deal this way, and your friend (probably) won’t think you’re a giant tightass

Get creative

There’s no rule that Sunday brunch *has* to be slabs of kale salad and poached eggs up the wazoo. Think a little outside the box and give yum cha or dumplings a go for your next early morning hang. It’s a cheap, fast and tasty alternative to brunch, and beating the crowds waiting in line at your usual corner café is also an unexpected thrill. 

Get outta the city

Unravel yourself from that giant inner city net you’ve drawn for yourself and head to the suburbs. That way you’ll be hitting up places that won’t charge you $27 for a bunch of sprouts and a quinoa popsicle. Instead, you’ll get a (surprisingly good) variety of feeds, excellent coffee and it won’t cost you an arm and a leg (well, maybe just an arm).

Go on a virtual brunch tour

If you’ve come to realise that the reality of a Sunday brunch is just way out of your price range, here’s a last resort. Try scrolling through this while you cry/shame-eat whatever leftovers you find in your fridge. It’s just like the real thing, I promise*.

*It’s totally not like the real thing, but a girl can dream, right?

Illustration by Twylamae who created this Warhol-inspired George Costanza tee.

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