31/05/2016
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Words by

Rebecca Russo

Why would anyone want to go out when the allure of staying in has reached irresistible proportions? Why go to a bar and awkwardly chat with random fellas when you can just swipe right? Why go to the movies when you can enjoy one from the comfort of your own couch? (For much cheaper, I might add.) Why go out for dinner when you can stay home, have your cake, eat it too, then go back for seconds? The culture of convenience has truly arrived. 

Don’t get me wrong. I like going out, I really do. I’m sure you feel the same. Having a boogie with a couple of gal pals on a Saturday night, enjoying a highly delicious meal from one of your fave burger joints, or even just heading outside for a little fresh air. These are all great reasons to don shoes other than Uggs and get some much-needed face time with other humans. 

But lately, I don’t know. That homebody feeling’s been creeping up again. My instinct is to blame it on the weather turning. It’s getting colder and there are so many things I’d rather do than layer every single jumper I own just to keep from freezing my arse off on my way to the gym. 

I don’t think I’m alone. Many of us are ditching the heels and opting for an evening inside with wine, cheese and great conversation between friends. There’s no more #FOMO because we’re honestly too tired/cold/bored to even care. The Huffington Post even reckons there’s such a thing as JOMO, also known as the JOY of missing out. They’re on to something there. 

So how exactly is staying in the new going out? Let me count the ways.

1. Because you’re not required to talk to anyone

For me, the measure of a good weekend is correlated with how many people I have to interact with. If it’s fewer than three, I’m happy. But more than that and I tend to get a little antsy. Sometimes you just need a little alone time. Time to think, free your mind from screens and relationship drama, paint your nails and try to recite all the lyrics to Aqua’s ‘Barbie Girl’ from memory. You know, “me” time.  

2. Because you’re saving money

Why do bars insist on charging exorbitant prices for alcohol? Are you using special vodka that’s been blessed by a million Ryan Gosling fairies? I don’t think so. The best part about staying in is that you can hop down to the Bottle-O and nab a bottle of wine for under $10 any day of the week. 

Also, you know what staying in means? No overpriced movie tickets. No unnecessary Ubers to the end of the street. No inflated drink prices... ever. By opting to stay in you’ll be inadvertently saving money, so if you *do* decide to leave your blanket fort for Friday night drinks in the future, you’ll have a little extra cashola to swing ’round. 

3. Because you can eat constant snacks

Honestly, until Doritos are allowed on the dance floor, I’m staying in. 

4. Because you can actually hold a conversation with someone without having to yell

Bars are loud. People are loud. And it sucks when the only way to talk to your friends (or potential main squeeze) is by yelling over Top 40 bangers. If you invite your mates over at home, however, there’ll be no piercing noises, no inexcusable bad music (you get to pick the playlist!) and no unnecessarily loud conversations. It’s bliss x1000. 

5. Because standing up all night is too much like hard work

The only working you should be doing on a lazy Saturday night is jamming out to Rihanna’s ‘Work’, not standing up for hours on end. Staying in means you can stay seated (or horizontal, let’s be honest) for as long as you like, with the only driving force making you move being your job or persistent hunger. 

6. Because there’s never a line for the loo at your own house

¯\_()_/¯

7. Because deep down you *love* cancelling plans (don’t deny it)

In terms of like, instant relief, cancelling plans is like ecstasy. Actually, it’s more like peeling off a Band-Aid. It’s painful and awkward at first, but once it’s done, you feel like jumping for joy. Or rather, falling into bed like a hot dog sliding into a bun. That stigma around cancelling plans is almost gone in modern society, so there’s no reason to feel guilty about calling it in and having a doona day just for yourself. Hell, you deserve it, don’t you? 

_____

Illustration by Twylamae who also makes cool things like this Crying Drake Tote.

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