"It’s fash week omg I couldn’t possibly find the time."

Words by

Bianca O'Neill

Melbourne Spring Fashion Week is upon us. That one week in the fashion calendar when bloggers like myself can feel like a princess for a moment. Just maybe not Princess Kate. Or Princess Mary... I guess they’re the WAGs.

Us bloggers are probably more like Princess Beatrice. The Princess Beatrice with the weird sperm hat at Kate’s wedding. Like, we belong there just like everyone else, but we’re wearing something weird, and we’re probably seated second row. BUT WE’RE STILL A PRINCESS BITCH.

It’s the week when we moan about how #busy we are, while not really doing anything that resembles work at all. It’s also the week when your non-fash friends are in a perpetual state of *eye roll*.

A friend of mine texted me about catching up for lunch this week, and after scoffing for approximately 35 minutes, I texted back something inane about how it’s fash week omg I couldn’t possibly find the time. Then I vomited at myself.

After recovering over a matcha latte (that’s it, I’m going back to coffee), I considered the fact that normal people - who apparently don’t take photos of their outfits every day or lay their make-up on white marble in intricate patterns to post on Instagram - might not understand this WHOLE THING we call fashion week.

So, I decided to write a handy guide for friends and family dealing with all us tiresome fash peeps over the next week. A few pointers, if you will, on the things that no one in fashion talks about…

  1. All those outfits we wear? Most of them are borrowed. The next day, we have to drive them back to the PR’s office in our pumpkin. Shhhhh don’t tell anyone.
  2. You don’t actually have to be invited to attend. Although we like to pretend it’s some exclusive thing, any punter can buy a ticket to a runway at MSFW. Shhhhh don’t tell anyone.
  3. If you are invited to an event with your fash friend, you are now their official photographer. No, you won’t be in any of the pics. Yes, you do have to take more than one pic of my outfit when I ask you to ‘take one pic of my outfit’. I’m just saying that loudly so I don’t out myself as vain. Shhhhh don’t tell anyone.
  4. If we’re not seated in the front row, we probably won’t share any photos from the runway. Because we’re all brats. And silence on Instagram is the equivalent of an adult fash tanty. Shhhhh don’t tell anyone.
  5. No, there won’t be any food. PLEASE TELL EVERYONE WE NEED MORE FOOD.

Any more questions, normal-friend-who-has-to-deal-with-their-annoying-blogger-friend-this-week? Please direct them to me via Twitter. I promise to answer them honestly. Mainly because no one in fashion is on Twitter.

But the most important question of all, this week, has to be: Is champers tax deductible? Well it should be, sweetie.

Follow Bianca’s confusing Melbourne Spring Fashion Week journey on Instagram @alphabetponymag

Leave a comment


Even if you don't have a portfolio.
And why it's harder (and less glam) than you think.
Anyone who says moving out is the best is, really, a big fat liar.
How to turn a stranger into someone worthy of #bae
What we like to call impressive.
Soz, you missed out on a doozy.
Spring, we're ready for you.
A less traditional side to student design.
Curating the exhibitions, seminars, runways and parties just for you.
All long limbs and nervous faces.
Think of it like making better friends with the labels you already love.
If you’re grappling with self-hate, this is my message to you.
"At least I can take really awesome pics of my shoes..."
I didn't want this to be a hate letter....
To those doing Christmas from the other side of the register.
An in-depth look at the woman behind the label.
Does anyone even really like the Yeezy Boost?
That time I tried Tinder for 24 minutes.
They aren't holding anything back...
Because it’s harder than it looks.
All summer vibes and bangers.
Bit of rock and roll glam for your afternoon.
The essence of spring.
A work experience opportunity like no other.
Pretty things, pretty people.
Follow these steps and you’ll officially be a blogger, just like everyone else.
"Luxury activewear gives those who can afford to wear it a sense of moral superiority."
"I mean, why would you let Zhang leave? It’s like getting rid of Beyoncé from Destiny’s Child."
Choosing friends on regram probability, fame association, and comparative attractiveness.
Some little known but big shot jobs in the industry.
Taylor Swift tells ASOS Magazine the life lessons she’s learnt.
There's something in the water over at RMIT.
Lui Hon's latest collection is simply beautiful
Nike just did it and it was pretty rad.
With a line up reading as an “It List” of Australian talent and an in demand theme of minimalism, Wednesday’s MSFW: Designer...
Last night’s MSFW: Designer Runway One was everything you dreamed of as a little girl.
Are you really, really ridiculously good looking yet still remain unsigned?
Melbourne Spring Fashion Week is a wonderful time of year.
We hit up Joey and Rob from ELEVEN Australia for some insider tips, nifty tricks and picked their brains on how they made it in...
We love the internet, especially the endless hours of shopping fun it provides us.